I Sat on an Egg

My girlfriend bought me a Cadbury Egg. She told me that I need to warm it up before I ate it. I was so confused. She suggested that I put it under my pillow. I was still so confused. I am still a little kid when it comes to chocolate. I have no patience. I don't want to let chocolate get warm under my pillow. I want it to let it warm in my mouth.
     The egg was still in my car when I got to work the next day. One of my jobs is delivering flowers. Another one of my jobs is delivering pizzas. Sometimes I get hungry on the road. I don't like to stop for snacks very often on the boss's dime, so, I grabbed the egg and brought it with me.
     It sat in the cup-holder looking very uncomfortable. Eggs don't like too much exposure to open air, right? It must have known I was planning on eating it. I wasn't really in the mood to eat chocolate at that time. It was about 11am and all I had to eat was chocolate chip cookies that I dipped in my coffee earlier that morning. My hope is that I would be able to eat from at least one other part of the pyramid before I got down on that egg.
     That egg was never going to last till after lunch. I wanted it now, but I knew I had to warm it up first. What was I going to say if my girlfriend asked me about the egg? I thought about turning the heat on and holding the egg up to the vent. That would make me hot. Not into that idea. I felt the egg. It was in fact a little cooler than van temperature. "This will not do. This will not do," I thought. So, I did what any self respecting hen would do. I sat on it.
     The only natural way to give it the warmth it needed was to give it the warmth I had to give. Now, before you get grossed, because I know you will. Keep this in mind: underpants, khakis and tin foiled all played their part in not letting milk chocolate and my flesh get formally introduced. Nor was any gas released. However that may have helped I still have my standards.
      So, there I was. Another day. Another dollar. Running floral deliveries as usual, and then I sat on an egg. When I sat on that egg something shifted inside my heart. I felt a parental bond. I was no longer driving a floral van. It was a mobile stoop. I checked my eggs temperature from time to time. It seemed like it was barely changing. I got worried. What was wrong with my egg? I tried to sit on it better than ever. I would check every 5 minutes. Would it grow up deformed because I didn't sit on it right? Was I even worthy to sit on it?
     I worked myself into a frenzy. There was a long driving section in my route and I kept mulling over what I should be doing better as an egg sitter. I got so worried about how well I was providing warmth for the egg that came into my life that I forgot to check on it. Woopsies.
    I forgot for a moment that it was not my child-to-be and that it was actually milk chocolate. It had gone to the soft side. I know my girlfriend wanted me to warm my Cadbury Egg up, but I can't imagine that she had this in mind. The only way to return chocolate to hard form once it has gone to the soft side, is to freeze it, but even then it tastes different after being re-hardened.
     I wasn't going to let MY egg taste different than it was suppose to be. I wanted to enjoy its last moments. So, I carefully peeled back the tin foil and licked it. About a third of the egg clung to the foil. My greatest achievement after that was not wrecking the van while mournfully enjoying the rest of the chocolate egg.
      If I had to draw one thing from this story, it would be a draw two card. From then I would explain how we need to be careful that we don't treat the "chocolate eggs" in our lives like they are our babies. What are the "chocolate eggs" in your life? For me, it was literally a chocolate egg. For you, it may be a good idea somebody gave you. Don't sit on that good idea. Eat it up and enjoy it. Also, don't fart on it.
      The other thing I would draw from this is that I need to pack a lunch. All I had until 4:45p was chocolate chip cookies, coffee and a soft Cadbury Egg. Come on.