For their intelligence, Stinkbugs have got to be one of the most underrated creatures on the planet. It is not for what they have done since the day they were created, but rather for how they chose to be remembered that makes them brilliant bugs. On the day when all animals were given the choice of what streetname they wanted, the Stinkbug obviously understood the effect of such a decision and chose to play the idiot genius.
Despite warnings against names that would prove problematic in future relations with humans, many obstinate insects still wanted bad to the bone names. The Black Widow bragged about being deadly and the Brown Recluse for being sneaky. Others chose inconsequential names that would render them free from enmity with man. The Rolly Poly and the Grasshopper are examples of harmless choices. The Ladybug chosen to illicit sympathy. Nobody kills Ladybugs and nobody has ever met a gentle Black Widow. All Ladybugs are assumed to have manners and Black Widows to be vicious. These judgements are largely based on their names and may be incorrect more often than not.
The Centipede thought it would be cool to be known as the insect with the most feet, and then the Millipede trumped him. The Centipede appealed to change it's name to Billipede and litigation ensued. One of the rules of the meeting was that once a name was approved there was no changing. Otherwise those bugs would have argued until one was named Infinitypede and the other InfinitytotheXpowerpede.
A roar erupted when the Dung Beetle chose its name. The Leaf Beetle and Six-Spotted Green Tiger Beetle implored their kin to choose something else, anything else, mostly out of the dignity of the species. When asked to give a defense for its name, the Dung Beetle revealed a baseball hat made out Elephant poo, a twelve-speed bike made out of Horse doody and wrist watch fashioned out of Feline feces. The essence of his passion was undeniable but so was the stench of his passion. After its disgusting defense the committee reluctantly approved the name and a 15-minute recess was immediately ordered.
It was during this break that the Stinkbug had its brilliant idea. He observe the interactions of the Dung Beetle and the other insects. Nobody wanted to be around him. The Stinkbug knew this meant that the dung beetle was destined for a life of solitude apart from its own family. The Stinkbug also knew this meant that predators would rarely search them out for dinner. It did not remove them from the food chain. A predator hungry enough would eat a poop covered bug, but only under desperate circumstances. The tradeoff from many friends/many enemies to few friends/few enemies was an easy one choice to make. A life of tranquility is almost non-existent in the animal kingdom, but the Dung Beetle had uncovered a loop-hole and the Stinkbug was prepared to crawl through it no matter how disgusting it was.
The meeting convened and the Stinkbug put in his request immediately. The only noise heard immediately following his request was a pin drop followed by a Cricket chirping. Apparently, a Cricket had dropped a pin and then was chirping to everyone around him so they didn't step on it. Many bugs were annoyed and others skeptical. The explanation given was simple enough. The Stinkbug said that upon its life being threatened or the actual moment of death a retched odor is released staining the flesh of any parties in close proximity. The committee accepted it on account of everyone was growing weary. This meeting was going on way longer than expected.
To this day, the name Stinkbug has had little effect on the insect socially. It still gets invited to pool parties and bar-mitzvahs and all that stuff. Its loneliest moments are on its deathbed. Cards and flowers are sent via Stinkbug delivery services to the specially built Stinkbug hospice facilities. The price paid for longevity.
I don't understand why when people discover that something has soured, like a carton of milk, they then bring it to me to smell as if I don't believe them. I believe you. I am not interested in smelling a frightened Stinkbug just to find out if it smells or not and that is why I cannot tell you if Stinkbugs actually do stink. For that I tip my metaphorical hat to the Stinkbug, the creature that swallowed its pride for the sake of preserving the life of its family for generations.
