If I was an entrepreneur in Metropolis, I would develop a market for Superman Insurance. I have nothing against Superman but boy does he cause a lot more damage then he realizes.
Firstly: Getting Changed in a Phone Booth
When he gets changed in the phone booth it is so quick that nobody even notices. I have never gotten changed in a phone booth before, but I imagine that it would be extremely difficult not to touch the glass enclosure a couple times while taking off my shirt or pants. If Superman bumps into the glass walls getting changed as quickly as he does there would an explosion of glass that sprayed out like grenade shrapnel. Superman Insurance would show up, see a demolished phone booth, assume it was S-Man and cut you a check.
Secondly: Laser Vision
Superman may have amazing abilities, but he is far from perfect and I would say that to his face. Having laser vision is a gift, but being a marksman is a skill that needs to be developed and practiced on a regular basis. S-Man won't hit his desired target 100% of the time. Molten sidewalk outside your storefront? covered. Car been lasered in half? covered.
Thirdly: Falling From a Building
Everyone knows that if you fall from a building in Metropolis and yell Superman's name he will catch you. However, Superman rarely takes into consideration the delicacies of the human spine. If you are falling from a building at 35 mph and Superman intercepts you at a ninety-degree angle, you will be in the hospital. So will we, with a check, if you have Superman Insurance.
Fourthly: Freezy Breath
In the event that S-Man is fighting a nemesis that uses fire as his main weapon, freezy breath will be Superman's most obvious counter-attack. This could get bad depending on the intensity of the battle. Frozen branches falling on power-lines, pipes bursting, pneumonia, damaged crops, hypothermia and frost bite would all be covered.
It would be company policy to never speak about Superman in a negative manner. Our stance would be an empathetic one. Superman makes mistakes just as much as the next guy. His mistakes just happen to be super.
Dear Author,
ReplyDeleteI fully agree but to take it a step further if Superman makes mistakes just as much as the next guy then shouldn't he be held acountable just as much as the next guy. Throwing a villian through the core foundation of a 36 floor building may be neccesary, but it is also very expensive. Would you cover companies or property value with this insurance or just people? I think Superman has gotten sloppy as of late. As fast as a speeding bullet, able to leap tall buildings with a single bound..... prove it, stop smashing straight through them.
-Thankful yet perturbed from KC